fml I hate when this happens.
Valentines Day
Such a waste of a perfectly good day. Think, the amount of shameful blow jobs and flower purchases jump exponentially throughout the day as more dumb fucks forget to buy a present. Don’t worry ladies, the best gift you can give is given from your knees. Gentlemen, if you forgot valentines day, you’re not screwed yet. Just remember to be on your best behavior and run to Costco to get flowers for her. The straight up I forgot excuse doesn’t fly anymore. If you really fucked up, diamonds are the guaranteed way to get your dick sucked, so flex the amex card a little harder and you might get your dry dick wet.
(Source: themrtuba.com)
Seriously?
Did you know, its illegal in Oklahoma to swear in the presence of a woman? Talk about fucking old school, imagine what would happen if a woman swore in front of a woman? Eat that shit cop.
….if you expect guys to buy you shit just cause you were born with a vagina is absolutly out of control…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQ7wT4CUprQ&feature=share
I fuckin love it.
So the amount of “liquor” jokes in the past few days have been highly amusing. Here are a few of my favorites.
“Liquor, I hardly know her!”
“Liquor in the front, poker in the back.”
‘I used to work in Chicago, at a convenience store. I used to work in Chicago. I did but I don’t anymore. A lady walked in with some porcelain skin and I asked her what she came in for. “Liquor,” she said, and lick her I did, and I don’t work there anymore’
Here is a classic:
“What did you have for breakfast
Rubber Buns and Liquor
What did you have for lunch?
Rubber Buns and Liquor
What did you have for dinner?
Rubber Buns and Liquor
What are you doing tonight?
Rubber Buns and Liquor”
And lastly, a good liquor and lesbo joke:
“How do lesbians handle their liquor?
Behind the ears.”
My tumblr feed is so full of shit right now. Shits cray cray.
Have you ever realized that lake michigan looks like a flaccid penis?
